Detox

Tomorrow I start my detox, and although no one reads this, I am doing this as a motivation for me.

Why I want to eat healthy:

1. Take care of the body that is God's temple
2. Have energy to play with my kids
3. Model healthy behavior for my kids
4. So I look nice and not ashamed of myself

What it is going to take:

1. Follow the rules of the detox
2. Avoid temptation
3. Know that God is control and He has my back, I can rely on His strength, and only His strength to stay on course.
4. Take mini goals:  What can I do this hour to take care of me?  To do make wise decisions.
5. Don't give up

I am 210 pounds, wearing a 18 clothes, I can do this!

It is not up to me

I remember that last post.  I remember calling out to God, and although my Daddy was there,  I look back at old posts and it was all about I needed to be better, do better and why can't I do better.  Every time I would write a post I still felt

Empty

Lost

Still feeling like I was missing something

Like I wasn't doing enough.

There, that was it.  I kept calling out to God telling Him I needed Him, BUT (and this is a big but) I still tried to control it.  

I still kept thinking, "Look at me God.  Here I am, I am being nice, I am being calm..look at me"
I still kept thinking, "Look at me friends, I am showing you God's love through my actions, I am being obedient"

I kept trying to make it about me.  

I kept trying to please me

I kept trying to make myself feel better at the end of the day because I was a certain way

I kept making myself feel worse about myself because I didn't act a certain way.

But guess what?

It's not about me

Now this is what I have been saying my whole life. "I don't want people to see me, I want people to see God", " I don't want to be nice and serve so people will like me, but because I want to do it out of love for my Savior."

But that is exactly what I was doing.  My need to control my situation, to make everyone around me like me and to make sure everyone around me thought I had it all together, ruled my life. 

I was so afraid that I wouldn't be loved, that I put my fear above my need to serve God. 
I was afraid that I would mess up, that I tried to control my environment, that God's love was not able to shine through.  

So, even though my heart wanted to serve Him, my actions were showing the exact opposite. Even though I loved God and wanted to be used by Him, my control and fear got in the way.

This has been very hard for me to admit.  I want to have it all together, I want to be perfect.  I want to be those things because if I am not then someone may not like me.  But even writing that down is crazy!

The very minute I was able to admit to myself and others that I am a mess, was the very minute God was able to reveal to me my flaws, I could address them, embrace them and accept them.  THEN I was able to serve and to love to be gracious and compassionate and people were able to see God and not me. 

Because I am a mess.  

I need God to survive, to breathe...I need the Holy Spirit to encompass me in a way that I cannot see or feel anything but Him inside me.  

When I release it, when I let it go...the peace is there, the strength is there.  I stop trying to prove to the world how awesome I am, I start living for my one God.  

Because it has nothing to do with me.

Lord I Need You

Lord,

I am here.  On my knees.  With hands lifted up.  

I CANNOT do this alone.

I have tried. 

 And I fail.  

Every time.  

But with You. 

 I won't.  

Your deepest desire is for me to thrive.  But we can't overcome our hang ups.  So You meet us where we are and give us the strength to overcome anything.

Anything.

Lord I need You, every hour I need You.  My one defense, my righteousness.  

Oh God how I need You.

So teach my soul to rise to You, when temptation comes my way.  When I cannot stand, I will fall on You.  Jesus you are my hope and stay.  

I.  Cannot.  Do.  This.  Alone!!!!

Thank You Lord.  Thank You for giving me the strength to try another day, to not give up on myself or for what You have for me.  

Please forgive me for doing what I want to do, for not following through with what You have for me.  

Please remind me to meet my children with love and not burdens.  To have grace and show them that love through personal sacrifice.

Please help to only say things that are helpful and not try to prove myself right to my husband.

Please guide me in this journey of eating well.  I can do it with Your help.

I praise You Jesus for who You are, for what You are doing and for the beautiful future You have for me!

This is the day I am beginning my diet!  I am doing a shake twice a day, drinking water, taking out processed sugars and food.  Not eating out and cooking healthier for my family.  I am also working out, making daily affirmations and reading a Proverbs a day.It is going to be hard, but it is going to be worth it.  I feel better when I don't drink pop, and I feel re-energized and healthier.  I know that this is what the Lord wants, this is how he created food to be, He wants food to satisfy us, not just to enjoy.  I am going to need His strength, His help and His leading, because I don't want to live this way, but I also don't like to eat what I want...I will be checking in every day with what I did, what I didn't do and what I can do different tomorrow.

Change

When I started this blog I wanted to post how I was going to change.

Well I do want to change...very badly...

So I got out my books, made my lists, had the great ideas....and then nothing.

Nothing!

What gives?  What happened?  Why didn't I change...I mean come on, I prayed...I read, I wrote my lists..I did everything right...

OH YEAH!

I forgot to do anything.
I didn't use the lists..
Or applied what I read in the books..
Or followed the Holy Spirit's prompting...

I think I was waiting for that magic pill to activate.
You know the one, where you swallow the pill and the pounds go away, and you become organized and wake up in the morning and start your day off right.
You have got to know the pill.  Well I was waiting for it...and it never came.

So I realized something.  I need to....



Remember this?  It's what Mike wanted us to do...and this is what I need to do.

Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  I mean I was waking up the same time, not using my Notebook, keeping the same schedule and spending all the money while eating hamburgers each day...and expecting to be caught up, have more money and losing weight.

I need to JUST DO IT!!!  I mean I have researched and read and prayed and haven't done anything with it.  It is like finding a cure and going to bed and getting up the next morning and still researching a cure.

I need to use the recipies
I need to count the calaries
I need to set the alarm
I need to record my money

Put some verbs to my sentences, use the determination and strength of mind that the Lord is giving me and ACT!

Help me to act dear Lord...Help me to do the action you have set me to do...Help me...I want to act dear Lord, I want to be better, to use the ideas you have inspired to learn.  You are my strength, the One I can lean on and gain inspiration from.  I love you Lord and want to honor you...and I know that I can with Your strength and love.

Insecurity

Insecurity: adj. Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe.

Insecurity. Just the sound of it makes me want to gag on a spoon! Haha! Remember back in high school when we said that?! Well that is how long I have been fighting it.

I mean, 'come on. Shouldn't I be better than this by now? Shouldn't I know that I have nothing to be insecure about? I have done all the self talk, read all the books, talked with everyone. Yet, ugly stupid thoughts would rear their ugly head! You know the ones:

"you know you weren't invited because they don't like you,"

" your kids disobeyed you because you haven't taught them good enough and they are going to grow up and be hellions"

Oh and my favorite, "you are so fat, your husband thinks you are ugly"

These are the thoughts that still come up, still haunt me at the ripe old age of 37.

Those thoughts are stupid angry thoughts...but what gets me into trouble is when I get dragged down and start BELIEVING the thoughts. That's when Satan has me at his best, that is when he convinces me that the dirty, ugly thoughts become my reality and my identity is wrapped into my insecurity.

And you know what? I hate it!!!! HATE IT!!!!

I mean you want to know what insecurity means?!

Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe

Seriously! Am I Inadequately guarded? Um, no! Am I Inadequately protected? Um, no! Why you ask? Because of this promise:

You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. (Psalms 119:114 NIV84)

And this promise:

You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. (Psalms 18:35 NIV84)

So according to the dictionary insecurity can only exist if I am Inadequately guarded...and since I am guarded, and protected and safe...THERE IS NO REASON FOR THE INSECURITY!

Now here is the stinky part:
The stupid, angry thoughts are going to come back. BUT (and this is a big but),

I can Overcome, not by me, but by the Holy Spirit in me.

And the stupid, angry thoughts can go away, because I am protected and safe and that is all I need!

Maximize Your Mornings: Hello Mornings

I am not a morning person!  Not. At. All.  I love to sleep, and for some reason the bed is the most comfortable right before you have to leave it!  The only thing is that I know how important it is to get up before my family.

My kids get out the door on time and without craziness...
I get to eat breakfast, have my devotional and get to have a little quiet to myself...
I get to plan my day and be the wife and mother I always want to be....

It is so important to get up early, so important to start my day off right...so important, but I never do it...I always give in to the warm bed, instead of doing the right thing...

So I joined this challenge, I will be joining other women who are committing to getting up and starting their day off right...all over the world, click here and join us...join us to commit to get up and start our days off right!